The Thorn in My Side…

Musk thistle, Sow thistle, Bull thistle, Variegated thistle, Prickly lettuce. They are the bane of my garden/yard existence. Remember my post where I referred to these offenders as the bristles in Satan’s asshole? I’m still going to call all of them that as a whole, but since I went and dug about a hundred of them out of our new big garden (pre-tiller) yesterday, I discovered that there is a FASCINATING ARRAY of them. (/end sarcasm font.) Behold the splendor of everything spiny:

Musk thistle a/k/a Musky asshole

Sow thistle a/k/a Bitchface

Bull thistle a/k/a Douche thistle

Variegated thistle a/k/a Ed

Here's a random Google image showing a dude growing thistle on purpose. I call him, "Variegated Dummy."

They are extremely invasive. They are hurty to step on or touch. They want to eat my puppy. They yearn to own my gardens.  They blow up to 10,000 seeds if left unchecked. We even mowed the lawn, and guess what popped back up and flipped us the thistly bird, all over the yard?

Tomorrow, they’re headed for the burn pile, every single spiny jerkface thistle I can lay my gloved hands on.

Speaking of burning, here’s a Facebook entry from yesterday: “I just accidentally/on purpose nuked a scorpion in the microwave. See, I smooshed a little one with a paper towel, went to throw it away, it tried to strike at me, so I flung it in the open microwave. While it was in there, I hit *Start*. For one minute. It burst into flames at about the 43 second mark. And I laughed. Don’t worry, A! I cleaned it up!!”

That was glorious.

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