Not There. Here, Now

So, where am I not right now? On a scheduled flight to Chicago. One flight got cancelled today by Southwest Airlines, and it was mine. No other flights today than one that gets in at 9:45 p.m., and no flights available tomorrow that don’t land smack-dab in the middle of the funeral (or after, which is pointless). So thanks a pant-load, Southwest. My heart is broken. But one cousin (my cousins are AWESOME, btw) said, “Uncle Don knows you tried” and another said, “You must have to stay home for some reason or this would not have happened.” So, maybe it’s okay.

I think I’m going to do some art today. I’ve been wanting to do a series of rough pen & ink drawings of farm stuff, like chickens, trees, outbuildings, all from our farm. Way less intensive than the work I normally do, which is pointillism (one of my pieces, below).

Monet’s Lilies

Maybe the Universe is telling me to get out of my own head and make something this weekend. I just found out someone I care about has cancer. I’m going to send good energy her way, do something creative, and maybe can some more tomatoes. Maybe vacuum. Play with the kitten. Talk to the family by phone. Hug my husband when he gets home. Nesting and creativity seem to be the order of the day.

I made breakfast this morning (3 small pullet eggs, scrambled; flour tortilla; 2 Roma tomatoes) and realized that two of the three things on my plate were made on this farm, with help from me and my husband. That made me feel good.

And then I cried for my own selfish reasons, because I can’t see my family this weekend.

Suck it up, you big baby. Uncle Don would say the same thing.

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4 thoughts on “Not There. Here, Now

  1. SaraC says:

    I hardly think you’re being a big baby for being sad, that just completely blows! Good idea to take the day for yourself though. Do what feels right and don’t pressure yourself to treat it like any other day.

  2. Bana Elzein says:

    I’m really sorry you couldn’t be there for the day but I also think you’re hardly a big baby for being sad and crying. Crying is a healthy part of grieving.. whether its for altruistic or selfish reasons. I recently read a study that showed there are chemicals in tears (the type we cry rather than the type that just hangs out in our eyeballs keeping our eyeballs wet) that make us feel better. I’ve been crying a lot lately and no matter how short or long my jag is, I do feel better afterwards. I often feel more motivated to do/change something. So don’t believe that Texas shit about crying is for sissies. Cry your eyes out if you want to. Its normal, common and necessary at times. Hope you’re feeling better soon. {{HUG}}

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