Good Day

I don’t normally write in the evenings; it’s just not my brain’s creative time. I’m usually tapped, mentally, by 5:00 or 6:00 p.m. Anyway, today is different because today was pretty freaking great. And nothing really happened.

Not mine, but close enough. So sad…

The heat has been bumming me out for a few reasons, mostly because it was hastening what I thought was the demise of all the garden vegetable plants. They’ve looked miserable and stopped producing.  I tried watering consistently (even doubled the schedule for about a month), Neem oil/baking soda/vinegar for potential disease and insects, compost side-dressing for nutrients. Then, I tore out a few dead tomatoes and kind of gave up on the rest of the gardens. Brown, sad, non-producing, cat-faced tomatoes, no fertility. I thought it was blight, but nope. It’s just been so fucking hot and dry that they were giving up. The  squash was dying; the green beans gave up weeks ago. Pepper plants looking droopy and sad, with no fruit or flowers. The only thing thriving is the watermelons. Nothing can stop them. They’re aliens.

Well, a few good rains and cloudy days last week changed everything. Real rain is simply unbeatable. The plants perked up and more miraculously, started coming back. The tomatoes and peppers have new blooms on them, they’ve set well, and we’ll be getting new tomatoes in a month. The squash (“”Prolific”…I can’t recommend this squash enough) has gone crazy again, after slowing down for a few weeks.

What happened today is I finally had enough of neglecting the gardens we worked so hard to establish, so I got to work outside. I started weeding at 7:00 a.m. I worked on and off all over our gardens and yard for almost six hours, with frequent breaks. I deadheaded flowers, Neemed everything, composted, hoed the beds, tore out big grass around the pool by hand, blew out the pool filter system, battled wolf spiders, put away tools that had been left out, cut down the spent sunflowers to harvest the seeds tomorrow, found the laying hen’s new hidden nest, stood down the geese when they charged me this morning.

It was a normal day on the farm. One I’ve not experienced in months, and haven’t even really wanted to, because the second effect of the heat for me is that it kind of saps my will to live. I get depressed, and that’s a fact. Lost interest in normal activities, fits of extreme fatigue, loss of appetite, erratic sleep, intermittent bouts of sadness, and even inappropriate anger. Money worries, sick and dying family, frustration over a couple of stalled projects…

This summer has been hard, but for unexpected reasons. I anticipated the bugs and heat and physical exertion to get the better of me, sooner rather than later. What has actually happened is my heart gave out, figuratively speaking. Texas summer tried to suck away my will and spirit. So I’m going to keep an eye on this tendency towards lethargy when faced with Texas douchebaggery. It’s a stupid cycle, and nobody I know or love deserves to be around it, least of all me.

So, suck it summer. You are not the boss of me.

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4 thoughts on “Good Day

  1. trase says:

    It’s been a cruel summer here, too. (Sorry, had to do it. IT’S TRUE.) I absolutely understand what you mean about having your will zapped out of you for all of those reasons. It’s like a bunch of dominoes, one goes down, and there goes the rest…might take time, but they’ll all get affected unless something or someone prevents it from knocking down every last one. Sometimes that’s us, sometimes it’s someone helping us out.

    Right now I’m feeling a little defeated. This drought has been a big contributor to that, and I think it has for you, too. But here’s hoping for more rain this week. We can just take it day to day.

  2. Thanks, friend. I hope like hell it gets easier for you too. Soon.

  3. SaraC says:

    I’m sorry the weather has got your goat. It’s so hard to get out of the funk when it’s something as intractable as the weather that’s causing it, cuz there ain’t nothing you can do to change it. You just have to change yourself (so lame, so true.) I was in a deep trough of my own last year, couldn’t get off the couch, was overwhelmed by where-to-begin-with-it-all. But eventually my sweaty butt on the couch was too uncomfortable, so I got up and started putting one foot in front of the other, and eventually it worked and I came back. And this helped a lot:http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/
    Go touch a spider! (you’ll get it when you read the above)

  4. Natasha Show says:

    I’m glad you wrote in the evening. I do my best reading as I’m trying to get my little one to fall asleep (when he’s in that state where I think he’s asleep, but isn’t in a deep enough sleep for me to put down).

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